This post touches on one of the most devastating situations in any marriage. The ideas offered here are not for unrepentant, chronic adultary. As with anything, pray for God’s guidance in your own situation and act accordingly.
According to the bible there is nothing new under the sun. Too bad it’s true. Or maybe it’s actually a good thing. If there is nothing new under the sun, then I would bet money there is something in the bible about it. That seems to hold true for infidelity. Not only does the bible talk about the consequences for the one who is unfaithful, but it actually talks about how the wounded party should behave as well.
I am only able to speak from a woman’s viewpoint of this, but the same areas of the bible that speak to me also contain wisdom for the men who are wounded by this.
If you are the wounded party in infidelity, you have every right to have righteous anger boiling up inside you. You have every right to turn over tables and throw things around and yell. HOWEVER. You do not have the right to sin in your anger. You do not have the right to let the sun go down on your anger. I told a friend who’s right smack in the middle of this that she had until two days before her husband returned home from a business trip to vent. That’s it. After that she must move on to the next phase. Well, the next phase is incorporated into the first, but no venting is allowed in the second phase.
The bible tells wives that they must honor and respect their husbands. End of story. Done. No where does it say wives only have to do this if their husbands are behaving properly and there is nothing broken in their marriage. Wives are to continue to give their husbands respect and the honor due them as the husband and head of the household.
The bible tells everyone that we should pray for Christians who fall away. We are to pray for their restoration to God, to the Church, and to their families. Wives get to pray fervently for this.
The bible doesn’t give wives the right to punish our husbands. We don’t have the luxury of standing in judgement of them. No matter how much we feel justified in doing so. Jesus died for THIS sin too. No holier-than-thou attitudes.
The bible tells all of us to think on the good things, the things worthy of praise. Even an unfaithful husband has good and praiseworthy things about him. Wives should concentrate on those things, not the ugly bitter things that Satan will throw up to her.
These simple sounding guidelines are in fact some of the hardest things to do in life ever. They require great courage and the conviction that your marriage is worth saving. It is a process that takes a great deal of time and commitment. They are also major steps in allowing healing to flow through your very wounded heart. Christian behavior is not required only when we feel like it. I believe that is for a reason. God really does know what we need for healing and repentance and growth. Try it His way first. You can always go back to yours.
